83 Days without TV

Well,
I can tell you this:  "I've hit the wall."

It's been 83 days with no actual streaming television and today was the first day I nearly tore my hair out and got panicky.

I've tried this before.  About 10 years ago I went without a television set in my home for nearly a year!  It was an odd season, mostly good for many reasons, and somewhat bad for others.

The first thing that happens when I give up TV for any length of time is that I become much sleepier and  earlier in the day....sometimes even requiring an afternoon nap.  This extra sleep time usually lasts for around 2 to 3 weeks.  Then, at some point, one day I wake up refreshed and full of energy and can't wait to get some things done.  I stay very productive for another 2 to 3 weeks, when suddenly I hit the wall and become quite depressed.

At this point, if I don't start really connecting with real human beings, I start to sink rapidly.  But, my personality is such that connecting with people is not usually a difficult thing....ordinarily.  But now I live in Colorado!  And the culture here is such that connecting with others takes a great deal more effort.  It is a very "closed" society here....everyone wrapped up in their own families and their own little world.  Socialization is NOT a priority in this culture.  It's a shame, because folks here are quite nice and in some cases, just plain extraordinary.  But not OPEN.

I've hit the wall.  Today I panicked at the silence.  Even the sweet phone call from my sister in NY didn't last me very long.  I finished re-reading Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  There are now officially no friendly voices left.  Except God's...and my own.

Today, I have heard God's voice and it was sweet...and I have had to listen to my own thoughts and they were not life giving.  And that was startling.  And that was good.  I needed to be startled.  I needed to hear my own thoughts.  I needed to confront myself with the reality of my own spiritual health, or lack thereof.  I am needy...and now I must face it without all the other voices speaking.

I wonder what I will hear tomorrow?